Sorry I haven't been posting much, it's June! Eight weddings...2 down, 6 to go and then things slow down a bit for July/August. So, nothing fancy today, just some thoughts on why it's so hard for women to accept compliments. I do makeup on an average of 50 faces each month...sometimes more, sometimes less, but average of 50. I see beauty in each person in my chair, but often, the subject doesn't. I mean, really doesn't! I'll say "wow, you've got such great cheekbones" and their response is "well, my nose is way too big and my eyes are super small". Usually, the descriptors they give aren't accurate at all. A recent client told me that she hated her really small lips. They weren't small at all! They were normal to a bit on the full side, but somehow she got it into her head that they're small....and that that's a flaw. Why do we as women do this to ourselves?!?! We pick pick pick....this isn't big enough, this is too big, I look old, I'm too pale, I'm not pretty. I say ENOUGH!
Change what you say in your head...now. If you catch yourself thinking "I can't wear that, I'm too fat", or "I'm not as pretty as her". Just stop....find something, anything about yourself you like and think about that instead. Your shiny hair, your great smile, your toned legs....whatever you like about your face and body. (There's a whole 'nother side to this....with inner beauty, but that's a much longer discussion, so for now, let's focus on what you can visually see!!! It all ties in.....)
I've always said PEOPLE SEE WHAT YOU SHOW THEM. If you believe you're beautiful, people will see that. If you think you're sub-standard and pick yourself apart, you invite others to do the same. I have plenty of things I don't like about my appearance, but generally, you won't hear me talking about them much. Why? Simple...if I don't point it out to you, maybe you'll never notice! Suppose someone thinks they have a big nose. If they constantly say "oh, my big nose...Oh, I hate my nose...gosh, can you use makeup to diminish this nose!" Guess what? People around you who thought your nose was perfectly fine are now focused on....your nose. You're telling them it's big, so they're looking at it thinking....wow, it's really pretty big, hadn't noticed until she kept talking about it. Hmmm...how did that work out for ya? Not so great.
I knew a girl years ago who did this routinely, and couldn't see what a problem it was. I remember one time, we were all at an fun event...she was single and looking too mingle, there were plenty of nice guys there. She's cute, smart, great job....had everything she needed to land a guy. So what was the problem? All night...to anyone who would listen she would say "oh, I hate my arms...they're so fat. It'd be ok if I weren't so short. Don't look at my stomach, I'm trying to lose weight" and on and on. (None of it was true, incidentally...she was indeed short and petite, but not at all fat...but, that doesn't change the point.). Guys who started flirting and complimenting her were treated to "well thanks for that, but this thing (arms, stomach, height) really isn't great and I'm not happy about it". One by one, the guys who had started flirting with her initially wandered off and started ignoring her. She thought it was because of these "flaws", but it really wasn't. It was because her words and behavior shouted "I'm FLAWED! I DON'T THINK MUCH OF MYSELF! IF YOU THINK I'M ATTRACTIVE, YOU MUST BE NUTS!" Any normal dude is going to be turned off, and they were. Guys want a woman who is confident with whatever she's got, plain and simple. Maybe you're his type, maybe not...but confidence trumps good looks all the time. That girl and I drifted apart over the years... I wonder if she ever "got" it and stopped sabotaging herself...I may never know.
Are YOU sabotaging yourself? The next time you start to tear yourself apart....out loud to others or internally....just STOP. Even better? When your makeup artist tells you how lovely your almond shaped eyes are, your husband compliments your haircut or a friend says how great you look in that outfit....just say THANK YOU. That's it, no qualifier...no, thank you BUT this that or the other. Just THANK YOU...with a big smile. When you notice lovely things about others, return the favor and pass out compliments that are simple and sincere....spread the feel good factor. If we all do this, maybe we as women can start to change this global bad habit we all seem to have. I know you can do it!!!
Is this an issue that YOU struggle with? Share your comments below.....